True Recovery

This concept is not part of core DBT, but it's one that I've been thinking through for some time now.  In fact, I wrote a five part post on my blog about it a while ago.  The concept helps me put DBT in perspective and understand how it all fits together.

I used to believe I had very little control over my life. Regardless of how hard I tried to accomplish things, the world had a way of making things happen to me that I couldn't control. I worked hard in my job, and my boss wouldn't give me a promotion. I would do all the right things in my relationships, and still they'd get angry with me. I'd save money for a new car, and some emergency would pop up requiring that I spend most of it to solve the problem. It wasn't until I starting really trying to apply DBT skills in my life, that I realize how blind I'd been. I actually have an amazing amount of control over the world that I live in. Practicing these skills, even though many of them seem silly or too easy to make any impact, actually put me back in control of my life.

The most important concept is the fact that there is no "Truth" in this world. Sure there are facts like, the sky is blue, ice is cold, my hair is brown. There is also my own opinion or interpretation of those facts: The sky is beautiful, drinks taste better with ice, brown hair is handsome. Still, those are MY opinions; my thoughts; my perspective. Others might prefer to remain indoors, drink hot drinks or think blond, red, green or blue hair is more attractive. I have a right to my opinion, my judgment, my truth, my reality and you have every right to your own. Whether we agree or not, doesn't make it "True", it simply is our opinion, and it's right for us at the time. The bottom line here is that we do have the power to define our own "Truth" for ourselves. That's a very powerful, but difficult concept to understand and practice.

What's more amazing is the concept of self-fulfilling prophesy. This is a psychological concept that works. It's not magic, it's simple psychology. If I believe something; not just say it but truly believe it I can make it so. Don't get me wrong, we all have our own limitations. There are laws of physics at work. Even if I believe I could jump off a cliff and fly I'd fail. I will never be able to lift a mountain. But short of defying the laws of physics, I can (and have) done things I never believed possible. How does this concept work? We'll go into that in later sections. But in brief, if I believe, for example that I will get a job that I'm interviewing for, the liklihood that I'll actually be hired increases dramatically. Why? Because my beliefs come out in my behavior. I once interviewed a woman who was so convinced that I wouldn't hire her that she stopped the interview in the middle, announced that she didn't think she could do a good job here, and walked out. She was right, I didn't hire her. On the other hand, if she truly believed that she was going to be hired, she would have said and acted in confident, comfortable ways. Honestly, up until that point, she was the best candidate I'd interviewed. This same concept can be applied all across our lives, and throughout these lessons I'll present simple ideas and tools we can all use to redefine our world and build the future we want for ourselves. I have no interest in definining your truth or your goals. This approach doesn't dictate how you live your life. Instead, we provide a structure and skills that make building the life you want possible.