True Recovery

Take action - Finally we react, by actually doing what we chose to do.  At times, we may change our mind, chicken out, or what we do seems to come out wrong.  Our behavior doesn't always match the reaction we chose.   I might decide that I'm going to firmly tell the person that I'm hurt by their actions and express disappointment.  But when I approach them, and see their face.  My chosen reaction suddenly seems inappropriate and I behave in a very different manner.  Certainly, now, many of us simply do what we've always done or try to cope in self-destructive ways.  In my example, though, I didn't change my mind.  I shared a vulgar gesture with them.

Keep in mind that the action we take becomes an experience for the other person.  So, just as we went through this process, so will they.  They'll see my gesture, form a judgment, feel emotions, choose their reaction and take action.  Most of us begin in DBT without a good understanding of this model, and the implications laced throughout it.  For example, looking at this description, it's clear that we own our judgments, emotions, choice of reaction and final action.  Regardless of what the experience is, what we do with it is completely within our control.

Some interesting things happen when we try to apply this.  A good example is the phrase, "you hurt my feelings!" Looking at this process, it's a bit more complex.  It's true that other people are completely responsible for what they've said or done.  Still, they have no direct control of our feelings, we do through our own thoughts and judgments.  If we're hurt, we really must recognize that we judged their behavior in a negative way, and we chose a "hurt" feeling.  This doesn't make their behavior right or wrong.  There are times we look back and are confident that our thoughts were based on a good understanding of the situation, our feelings were consistent with our values; they were right for us.  Other times, however, we look back and realize our thoughts were based on incorrect assumptions.  Perhaps we based our judgments on our own insecurities or outside factors (like hunger), rather than the what another person said or did. 

Throughout DBT, we'll refer back to this model, and learn how to separate each piece, and take control of our thoughts, feelings and actions.

When you're ready to move on go to: Section 2 - Core Mindfulness.