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Using Mindfulness skills, we are able to see that we tripped and bruised ourselves, free from judgments. With Radical Acceptance, we let the past go and apply the acceptance to our thoughts and judgments. Instead of looking for blame and guilt, "That was stupid of me to run like that", "I tripped because my child left that toy there", we accept the fact that we tripped. We accept the fact that we have a bruise. We don't have to like it, we don't have to be happy that it happened. But we can acknowledge that it happened. That forges a very different path for our feelings to follow.
Let's move on to another example. A few years ago, I went to my car to commute to work. I noticed shattered glass on the ground below the drivers side door. When I got to the car, I realized that someone had broken my window and stolen my laptop. Not being very Mindful, I thought badly about myself: "Why did I leave the laptop in full view? I'm so stupid." "Where was the security patrol and the police!" "Why do people violate me like this?" "I need to find another place to live, it's not safe here!" "My boss is going to kill me, that was a company computer!" "Now all that stuff I'd been working on, my computer files are gone!" I felt shame, embarrassment, fear, and guilt. I felt myself starting to sweat, my heart was racing, I started shaking.
Ideally, with DBT skills, here's how I hope I would handle this in the future. I'd see the broken glass below my car. I'd notice that my window was smashed and laptop missing. No guilt, no blame, no judgments. It is what it is. I'd recognize the facts, my window is broken and laptop missing, then I'd Radically Accept these facts as a reality. I must live with them, because they've already happened. I can't change the past. Next, I move into Wise Mind. I'd recognize and acknowledge my own discomfort with the experience and try to determine the most effective way to handle the situation. I start sorting out how I chose to respond.
I may think: I've been the victim of a crime, this feels uncomfortable and a bit scary. I need to report it to the police and local security. My car is damaged, so I'll need to report this to my insurance company and find a way to repair it. This will cost me some money (my deductible), do I have it? Can I get the money? I'm unhappy about having to spend money on repairing this car. My laptop is missing, it belong to my employer, so I'll need to let them know I'll need a replacement. I feel stupid for not having taken my laptop out of the car, or at least hiding it, I'll have to remember to do that next time. The laptop contained a good deal of my recent work, so is there a backup somewhere, have I put it on a disc, have I e-mailed it? I've lost work, so I need to let my employer know and figure out how to get caught up or redo the work. I put a lot of effort into that work, and I'm disappointed that it's now gone.
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