True Recovery

Distress Tolerance, as the title implies, is honing our ability to tolerate stress. What do we do when things get really rough? Most of us, on this site, are here because we do dysfunctional things when life gets rough. We reach for drugs, alcohol, pornography, gambling, food, shopping, and a whole host of other harmful, even dangerous behaviors. In this section we learn how to handle the things that "trigger" those damaging urges of ours in a more productive, less threatening way.

Unfortunately, far too many people seem to think that Distress Tolerance is the beginning and end of Recovery. Sure we all can see the dysfunctional behavior, and know how damaging it is to us. At the same time, we don't always realize what's behind it. Bottom line is, we experience a level of stress we can't (or don't know how) to address. We want to feel good, in the face of it, so we do what's worked in the past.

I recently read a post on a recovery discussion group where a compulsive gambler's husband blamed her for driving him to drink. Yes, she admitted that her gambling led the family to financial ruin. I have no doubt that their financial situation was immensely stressful for the husband. That financial situation was too much for him to handle. He responded by drinking to excess. His response to the stress was all his. She didn't hold the glass to his lips. She didn't make him drink. She had no control over whether he swallowed the alcohol or not. If either one, or both of them had the skill and tools to effectively manage the stress in their life, they would have managed the stress in a far more effective way than either drinking or gambling. From my perspective, she's responsible for her choice to gamble, and the husband is responsible for his choice to drink.

Many of us try to fix the issues in our lives. And, in many cases, we can find a reasonable solution to our problems. However, we need to be aware that we can change only what is in our control. Much of life is far outside our sphere of control. There are many wonderful books, therapeutic methods, and approaches to resolving issues in our lives. Regardless of how successful we are, there will always be things we can't change. That's a concept that we and our families need to understand. We can't change them, and they can't change us. If we've tried to fix what's broken, and are not successful, what do we do? What then?

So, what are these distress tolerance skills? What are the tools? The ironic thing is, they've been right in front of us the whole time. Honestly, when I learned about Distress Tolerance most of it seemed intuitive. In some cases, these skills seemed like a waste of time. They couldn't possibly work. I've done most of that already and it never worked. But, after giving them a chance and trying them, I found that some worked; and worked quite well. Most people I've met had similar sentiments. Only a small portion of these skills will work for you, and what works for me may not work for you. Read through these skills, try the exercises, do the assignments and figure out for yourself what's most effective.

As a useful reference, you may wish to check out the Crisis Survival Cheat Sheet.

When you're ready to move on go to: Section 6 - Crisis Survival Strategies.

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