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Now, I'm in the process of learning how to manage those really rough situations in a productive and positive way. What can we do when life tosses us one of those inevitable curve balls? There are a lot of books, organizations and approaches to changing your situation. I believe it makes sense to do what we can, within reason, to try and remedy whatever the issue is. Sometimes we can find a workable solution to the issue, other times there's just no way out. Either way, there's going to be pain.
In DBT, we learn there are two basic approaches to the art of managing crises. The first is Tolerating the pain (getting through it), the second is Accepting things as they are. There is a big difference between the two. Tolerating the pain is essentially, skillful ways to grin and bear it. It's learning ways to make it through without serious damage to yourself, physically, emotionally, intellectually or spiritually. The latter is finding a way to accept the situation. Rather than just finding a way to tolerate it, we dig deep inside ourselves and recognize that, "it is what it is" then allow ourselves to truly be at peace with it. This doesn't mean we have to like it, or even agree with it. It does mean, though, that we accept it. Kind of like how we deal with income taxes. Very few of us actually like the huge chunk of our income that the government takes from us. Lot's of people find loopholes to pay less taxes, and even vote for candidates because they promise to take less taxes from us. We may not like taxes, but we accept it and just move on.
Another thing I found truly helpful when in Distress was the realization that there is a difference between what's going on, and my own thoughts and feelings about it. In the mindfulness section, we talked about developing the skills to view things as they are, free from our own judgments about them. Just like my friend who's parents abandoned her. I think if I were in her shoes, I would have viewed the situation as extremely painful. She, however, judged it quite differently.
 Not long ago, my boss gave me a $100 bill and told me to take my family out to dinner. Later, I took out that bill stared at it for a while. I realized that I could do anything I want with this money. Sure, I could take my family to dinner. But, if I wanted, I could hand it to a homeless person on the corner. I could pay a bill with it. I could gamble it away. I could donate it to charity. I could buy some things that I’ve needed for a while. I could even cut it up into little pieces and toss it into the air. Once I put it in my pocket it was mine; I could do with it whatever I wanted.
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